Remember Who You Are

I am reading a book called Remembering Who you are.

One of the things this book talks about is how we are all actually ascended, we come back to experience the same reality over and over again and each time we send information back to ourselves from the future, so the experience is different each time. The reason for this is, we are learning how we did conscious ascension, so we can help other beings do the same.

Since third dimension is so much about separation and feeling unloved or not being enough, I think I am one of the beings learning how to consciously ascend that feeling :)

So each time I go through the same experience, I get the same feeling of being rejected, not being good enough, not being loved and loveable. Each time all the ways I reacted in the past come up as options, I can play victim, I can manipulate, I can go into self-pity, I can blame, get angry. But each time, I deal with it with a new perspective. Its never the same.. its never being back to the same place.

It is getting easier and easier to use the tools, to raise my vibration, be totally aware moment to moment about the mind, be very clear about what this is about, differentiate content from structure. So much is getting processed in my dreams also. I am living out and experiencing whole possibilities in my dreams. Terribly exciting times.. :)

Integrating the Polarities

Haven't blogged in a while..

Its just that time again when another round of growth happens. So its a tad challenging. Have had this headache for 3 days now. Recycling my issues of not being loved, not being enough, being alone, feeling of carpet being pulled out from under me, feeling like there is no one to really count on, no one who understands. Just staying with the suffering and letting go of the stories. Just staying with what is, not trying to think "positive", not resisting the turmoil. Acknowledging the illusion, the darkness.

Doing the work, meditating, breathing, listening to activations and music, reading and finding stuff on the web that I find helpful. Going for walks in the middle of the day if I need to. Its all very helpful. I am also having moments for feeling very connected.

Just acknowledging that there is no way around this.. and I just have to go through whatever shows up.

So much Love,
Samanvitha

Are we limited to being human?

For the last several days, maybe weeks, I have been feeling like I am floating above the world. I am not getting drawn to engage in a lot of drama, nor am I feeling any great joy. Every feeling has been fleeting, just coming up to dissolve an old circuit or show me parts of myself.

Esateys mentioned that this is a phase of integration. My body is just integrating the new frequencies and stabilizing it.

Then since last evening, there has been a rage that has gripped me. The mind has decided to direct it towards a guy a met in March when I ran the Napa marathon. I just met him for that weekend. Somehow he seems to represent darkness to me. Darkness that pretends to be light, finds its way into your life, and then plunges it into darkness. There is still a small voice of truth that knows that he is God too. God is both light and dark, in fact all that is. Knowing that, and holding that truth is essential during these times.

I woke up many times last night with nightmares. This time it involved a man I met just after the Napa marathon. He was being patronizing and I was again gripped with rage and rebellion. I think the content is unimportant. I am just recognizing that there is a distinct energy of unrest, rebellion flowing through me at this time.

In a large scheme of things, I think this is a rebellion against the limitation of my perceived humanness. I was speaking with a friend yesterday and in some context he said "I am human". I immediately said "But I am not". It seemed the most natural truth in the moment. I have been having this urge to shave off my head. I think its part of this freedom that I wish to embrace. Go beyond the perceptions of human beauty and conditioning.

The time is NOW for those of us who know who we are and why we are here at this time to step up and embrace all that we are! We have lived a human existence to learn how this system operates, but we are not of this plane of existance, we have a purpose to serve here. Call it forth and step beyond your limited humanness!! Call it forth NOW!!

In service to the grandness of Life and Light,
Samanvitha

Cooking: The Stories we live

A couple days ago, I called my friend Anu to check if I can come over to see her two new pups. She was out driving with another friend. She told the friend that yes I can go to see the pups and also if I would cook for about 15 people while I was there.

As I heard this, I felt a rage rise up in my gut. As I looked at this rage I saw many stories:
a) Anu thinks I just go over and dont help out
b) She has never appreciated my cooking and now wants to put me in a spot
c) I remembered all the times I had tried a new dish and she had either just looked at it, or tasted it and made a disgusted face.
d) Guilt: What kind of a person am I to get angry at being asked for a favor?
e) I remembered all the times when I had invited over 10 people home and cooked all day long and had been tired and resentful.
f) I remembered my ex-husband not enjoying my cooking

I kept going back to the feeling.

I then remembered my ex-boyfriend really appreciating my cooking and that being one of the reasons why I hung onto him for so long. I used to cook so much for him. I had a wave of gratitude towards him. Now this was an alternate truth. All my stories were pointing to me that I am not a good cook and I was feeling paralyzed at being asked to do something where I was bound to fail.

I then remembered where it all started. My mom had once asked me to help her in the kitchen when my grandma was visiting. She then criticized me for something. I was very angry with that. My mom then broke down and the whole incident was very emotional and filled with rage and guilt for me. My mom never really asked me to help her in the kitchen after that and I never really learned. Only when I had to live on my own I started cooking with the aid of cookbooks or my own creativity.

So I had a story around cooking from a young age and no wonder I had created so much drama around it through out my life. I had began to believe that:
a) I am not a good cook
b) Even if I cook I am not appreciated
c) Cooking leads to emotional pain

This past weekend I met a man who seemed to be a food enthusiast. As he talked about cooking and eating and his mom being a great cook, I think subconsciously my anxiety was getting triggered. I reflected this in Anu asking me to cook for 15 people. I told Anu this whole story too and I am glad to be surrounded by awake friends who I can be vulnerable with.

I think seeing the story itself breaks the grip it had on you.

When I look at this process, I see grace everywhere in it. Earlier I would have simply focused on my resentment at Anu for asking me. Now, thanks to grace:
a) I can observe my thoughts
b) Be present to the feeling
c) Grace pointed out alternate truths, leading to gratitude and higher consciousness
d) Grace pointed out where the story started
e) Grace played the entire story to me showing me how this story has affected my life

I think once you set the intention to awaken, you are always shown the way.
Ever in gratitude,
Samanvitha

Always guided for the highest good

While reading Bringers of the Dawn, I resonated to the statement "I am always guided for my highest growth, highest evolution, and highest consciousness".

I went to LA this weekend to meet a man I had never met, but had grown to appreciate. I asked Anu and Rajeev to give me a Deeksha (Oneness Blessing) on Friday night and held the intention that I be guided for my highest growth, evolution and consciousness.

On Saturday morning Rajeev dropped me off at the airport an hour before my flight. I initially went up to the ticketing and check-in and found that the line for bag check-in was incredibly long - at least 60 people. I noticed my anxiety. I then came down again and decided to do curb-side check-in. This line was shorter - 20 people. I stood for 10 mins in this line and the line shortened to 19 people! I observed my anxiety increase some.I heard the guy behind me get really anxious and his wife try to calm him down. I realized I was reflecting my anxiety. I became present and observed my breath, my environment and my feelings. I repeated that I am always guided. I now had about 35 mins left for departure and the line still had about 17 people. They were actually processing one person every 10 mins! At this point the Deeksha worked - my intention that I be always guided went from intellectual to experience. At this point I surrendered.

I felt a wave of detachment from outcome wash over me. I suddenly did not care if I go, don't go, go on the next flight, etc. After all, I know I am guided for my highest good, so whatever the outcome, that is for my highest good. So in this state, the next logical thought hit me. I said I can throw away my toiletries and can always buy them in LA. This way I can carry-on my bag. I took out my toilet case and examined it. I would have to throw away a lot. I surrendered to that too. The next moment I held my toilet case in hand, suitcase in another and walked up back upstairs to Ticketing and check-in. The line was still HUGE.

There was an official walking by. I told him I have my flight in 30 mins and I need to check-in my bag. I asked if I can go to the head of the line. He looked at me and pointed me to the check-in counter where there were only 5 people!! Apparently the LONG line was for people like me, who already had printed a boarding pass and only needed to check-in their bags. The short line was for people who did not have their boarding pass!! I walked up to the first guy in this short line and explained my situation and he let me go next. So I checked my bag in and interestingly the security line was really short too. I got to LA with no other issues.

The Game of Life and the World being a reflection dawned on me again from this experience. The curb-side line not moving, the Express bag check being so long was a reflection of my anxiety. Another line so short that no one had noticed, me being allowed to go first, a short security line showed up as possibilities as soon as my inner state changed.

The process:
a) Observe your inner state
b) Become present to the herenow
c) At this point you are feeling your inner state and also observing yourself
d) The perfection of the herenow then shows up and at the same time a detachment from a future outcome. (The moment you observe and become present, awareness follows - This is grace)
e) At this point you surrender, you give up all control. You know you are ALWAYS GUIDED FOR YOUR HIGHEST GOOD. At this point Your will aligns with the Divine(Higher Self) will.
f) The actions if any will come naturally in this state.

This set the stage for my entire weekend. I had the most wonderful time. It was incredibly easy to be present, to feel at peace within myself and simply experience the other person with no judgments or expectations. All I reflected was my inner state - one of acceptance, peace, presence, safety and joy. There were no "shoulds". There was not "trying". There was an inner knowing that what is - is perfect, since I am always guided for my highest good, highest evolution, and highest consciousness.

So Be It. Always with love,
Samanvitha.

Live the Light

From Marianne Williamson's 1992 book "Return to Love". Made famous by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give other people permission
to do the same.As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Bringers of the Dawn - Barbara Marciniak

I started reading Bringers of the Dawn a few months ago and although I felt a deep resonance in my feeling center, my mind quickly judged it and I had to put the book away. Especially the first few chapters tells a story that the logical mind can easily reject. Then I read Esateys's blog entry: Calling On YOU and Your TRUE Purpose and again there is a strong perceivable excitement and lightness. I feel tremendously drawn to this work. I commented on her blog entry:

"Thank you E!! From December 2006 things have been opening for me rapidly and when I came to the first retreat with you in August 2007 and asked to go home, it was the first time I was so clear about my purpose and you saw it then even more than I did. When you told me at the December 2007 retreat that we have some work to do together, every cell in my body was alive. they knew it was time. Last week has been a gift, the awareness was heightened. I observed the games of the ego in me and around me, but there was a strange detachment. A part of me wanted to feel the old pain and participate in the drama, but for the first time it was harder to play the old game than to not. It was harder to acknowledge the ego in others than to not. I could experience what they mean when they say be in the world but not of it. I could just be present, but not participate in the old stories. I am still not clear what my role is, but I am ready and open to receive."

So I again picked up Bringers of the Dawn and started reading it from some mid point and I feel deeply touched. I just wanted to use this blog entry to capture some of the content.

From this moment forward I do not base any of my future experiences on my past. I intend to experience each day as if I were a new born with no conditioning.

My thoughts creates my experience and my thoughts create my reality. All the time.

I want to accelerate my personal evolution. I want Spirit to assist me in a greater capacity. I want my body to regenerate itself. I want to emanate health. I am willing to give up difficulty so that I can be a living example of what humanity can be.

There is an impeccable purpose to everything I do. I am always given an opportunity for my highest growth. I am not afraid of what I create. I trust what I create. I create everything in my world. All the time. There is always something in it for me.

Eliminate the words "should" and "trying". I create, I do, I manifest, I intend.
I am effortlessly intending this to come about.

Always speak your truth. Eg: I do not believe in catching cold. I dont use my body for sickness. Know 100% of the time that you create your reality. You have a choice.

Spirit, I am wishing to be employed by you. Put me to work and show me what I can do. Give me the opportunity to live my light, to speak my truth, and to carry this light around the globe.

To my guides and all those who are assisting my evolutionary journey on Earth: It is my intention that I be successful. It is my intention that I be safe in all things I do. It is my intention that I receive love and give love in all things that I do. It is my intention that I have a good time and that I be provided for with prosperity according to my needs. It is my intention that I not become overly enamored of the material world.

I am in divine guidance. I am always at the right place, at the right time. Everything I do is orchestrated for the higher growth, my higher consciousness and my higher evolution.

If you wish to have acceleration, dive into something that brings up feeling. Stop skirting the issue so that you can think that you are in control. Dive in the middle of it and then see if you are in control.

If you do not give yourself permission to feel, you cannot learn.

I know what is going on. I know there is something here for me to learn, and something here for me to change. I believe that i am guided and that I am following a blueprint. So I will check it out by not judging it and going with the flow. I request that all my changes come in joy, safety and harmony. That is my decree. Everything in my evolution that I am intending is covered by that: I experience joy, safety and harmony. So I will go with this energy and see what is changing for me and what I need to give up.

Honor your friends as they go through their "stuff"; just dont get involved in it. Dont tell your stories more than 3 times. By talking you are not seeing, instead just seeking attention.

Am I operating with my highest integrity? Am I operating with love? Is love my intention foe Earth, the animals, all the people I encounter, and all the things I do?