Being Authentic

Anandagiriji from Oneness University says the journey begins with the recognition of where you are. He also says all suffering arises from wanting to be someone we are not.

Sri Anandagiriji's about Psychological Becoming:

All of us are constantly striving to become beautiful people. We want to change ourselves, transform ourselves, become perfect in every way. We don’t want to be angry, we don’t want to be judgmental, we don’t want to be jealous, we don’t want to compare, we don’t want to be dishonest; we want to become this beautiful person. And all of us carry within us the image of this beautiful person. The image painted to us by our religion, by our scriptures, by our spiritual tradition, by our society, by our parents. What is this image? The image of the person, who is never angry, who is never anxious, who is never afraid, who is sweet, full of love, generous, non-judgmental, non-jealous, etc … and constantly you are trying to become this person. You read a book and see you can become this person. You go to a temple, mosque, church, a synagogue and see if you can become this person or you attend lectures like this, seminars like this, hoping you would become this person. There is constantly a war, a battle of conflict happening within, a conflict between what you are and what you should be like, your present state and the beautiful person you should be, and that is why we constantly find ourselves evaluating every thing into two. Evaluating our thoughts, our speech, our actions, like a referee, saying this is good, this is bad, this should be there, this should not be there. You feel guilty, and then you do all things trying to feel better. We waste so much of our time, our energy and our life, just trying not to feel guilty. And you hope that one day you would become this beautiful person.

Today I experienced suffering again because of this. Having to do something was causing me unhappiness and so was not doing it. I had to really listen to my story. If I did not do it, I felt I was going to be perceived as mean, undependable, ungrateful. More than that in my own rule book I felt I should do what I have committed to do. I also had these expectations from my parents that one should go out of their way to be helpful. So I wanted to do this task due to all my rules and conditionings. My heart did not want to do it because it was inauthentic. Does this mean I am not a loving, caring person? This certainly did not feel good. Being authentic is not easy. You have to really face your deepest rules. Also listening to your heart need not always mean it will be a loving thing you do (although in the larger scheme of things it is more kind, because its real).

Ultimately I listened to my heart. I was called undependable. It hurt. I sat with that pain and also the guilt of having hurt another. I sat with all the explanations and the justifications my mind and ego came up with. I sat with the need to be told by others that I did the right thing. Sometimes there is pain in either option. You cannot be free of the pain... you can only be free of the fear of experiencing pain and be free of the fear of feeling guilty. There is so much in life we do or not do because we are afraid to feel guilty. There is perfection in it all when experienced fully.

Much Love,
Samanvitha

My first Oneness Blessing (Deeksha)

I received my first Deeksha at the Tony Robbins Date with Destiny event in December 2006. This was an intent Deeksha. Tony and Sage led us through Chakra Dhyana and then told us they would give us this energy tansfer and we had to close our eye and go into gratitude. At this time in my life, GOD, energy, universal consciousness etc was not even in my vocabulary. At best I believed I was agnostic. After the Deeksha, Tony asked us to just write very fast whatever came to mind. Here is what I wrote:


I am incredibly grateful to God, my parents, my loves, my friends, and everyone who has ever touched my life for loving me, taking care of me, and teaching me about life and love and joy. Thank you! I would not be who I am if not for your undying faith in me, for your pure and abundant love for me. I want to tell you that I am here to take all that you have ever given me and shared with me, maximize it and share it with all the lives I will touch.

I am incredibly grateful for all the talents, abilities, and a strong loving heart that God has given me. I will make the most of it to make this world a better place while I am here and touch the souls and spirits with pure love and light.

I am thankful for my body, my temple which will give me the strength, vitality and vibrancy to spread God's love. I am thankful for my intelligence and sharpness which can absorb all the knowledge and use it to make world a better place for the people here.

I am grateful for my ability to love the little things, the moon, the breeze, the petal, the bird, and the squirrel - to share the magnificence of this universe and our world with the loving souls in my life. I am grateful for the opportunities and challenges I have had, and will have, which will help me grow, learn, experience new things and give me the opportunity to help maximize life's experience for those around me.

I am here to serve and I look forward to a magnificent life. This is the most magnificent moment of my life and hooray!! I AM ALIVE... I AM HERE!

So much love,
Samanvitha

Compassion

Dear Hearts,

I was really struggling with compassion for a couple of years. It was eating at me. Deep down I wanted to be compassionate. I wanted to be a caring person. I believed I always had the best of intentions. When people close to me were hurting I was there for them. I would reason with my friends that there was another way to look at the situation. I would rather blame myself, look at how I contributed to a situation through my beliefs, my actions than play victim. I applied the same to my friends. I truly believed that if they took responsibility, they would be better off. To me this was compassion. I was genuinely invested in reducing their suffering. But for some reason this always had the exact opposite effect. I suffered because I thought I was compassionate but was not perceived as that.

The first step for me was a recognition that I am not compassionate and that I do not know how to be compassionate. This was very hard. Its painful when you shatter your own image of who you are. Falling in our own eyes is perhaps the worst feeling. A friend explained to me that when I am trying to provide solutions to reduce suffering I am actually just thinking of myself. I am more invested in my image of a person who can be fair, a person who is a problem solver. I am also imposing my way of dealing with problems through self-examination on them. She told me compassion is when you feel anothers pain, without the need to make it go away.

On the first night at the Oneness university, I got to experience this. While my roommate cried through the night in intense emotional suffering, I held her, listened to her, and at times cried with her when the pain tore through me as well. I had no interest in making her pain go away. So my first experience of compassion came after I surrendered to a possibility that I am not compassionate. I have since then had other experiences where I can step out of the situation and be there for people. I have also had experiences when I sense pain in another, but my personal pain is too much for me to reach out. I then surrender to the fact that right now I need to be compassionate with myself and feel my own pain.

God is where all contradictions co-exist. Sometimes surrendering to the fact that right now I AM NOT THAT (at least not having the fear of not being that), might make us experience the other fact I AM THAT.

Much love,
Samanvitha

Oneness and personality integration

Yesterday I had an argument with a friend. As the fight reached its peak, I looked at the drama and my personalities playing in it. It was fascinating. I found many:

1. The Fair one who wants peace with everyone was feeling very fidgety. Wanted to somehow make it all ok
2. The Bad girl was angry, resentful and wanted revenge
3. The Good girl wanted him to see logic, reason
4. The little girl was sad and scared at having lost secure love
5. The compassionate one could see and feel his pain
6. The mother wanted to make it all all right for him
7. The wild one was sad that she cannot play with him anymore
8. The friend missed him
9. The pessimistic one said she knew this would happen..
10. The optimistic one was glad that its the end of a chapter.
11. The father wanted to be helpful and give advice
    
12. The rebel wanted to say hell with the world, no one understands me
13. The acheiver wanted to do something, manage the situation
14. The victim wanted to blame him for everything
15. The timid person wanted to run to friends for help
    

Talking to them and integrating them was a wonderful experience. I am grateful for this experience. I also truely recognized why situations are complex.. that I am at war within myself when something unfolds. I also saw how they emerge. Its usually the child that gets sad or scared about losing love. Then all the rest emerge to protect the child.. each one thinks she knows best. There are also so many emotions that its hard to name it.

We all have multiple personalities. We created them as children to protect ourselves when we were shocked. When suddenly the realization struck that I am not always loved for being me. These personalities have helped us deal with life. They all have a good intention. Before we can feel one with another, we need to accept and love all our personalities. We need to feel ONE within. I am glad I started on the process of internal integration.

Blessings,
Samanvitha

Oneness Process - Fiji

Dear Hearts,

I just returned from Fiji after a fabulous week spent attending the Oneness University (www.onenessuniversity.org).

It was the most amazing experience. We were also very lucky to have gone for the first course and the opening ceremony. This level 1 is equivalent to the original level 2 program. They will have a new level 2 program in Sept in Fiji and Oct in India for the US participants. So the format was very different.

The opening ceremony was a blessing I am very fortunate to have received.

• We had Krishnaji - Sri Amma Bhagavans son in person there.
• We had Tony and Sage Robbins
• We had Ananda Giriji in person.
• We had Sri Amma and Sri Bhagavan there through a 3D teleporter. We could only see their shouldersand face. They both said a few words and we could each go for an individual blessing.
• We had all the world wide Oneness coordinators. Including Raniji from the US.
• We had Deva Premal and Miten. They performed life on one of the days for us.
• Did Chakra Dhyana and got some Deekshas.
• It was supposed to be a very auspicious time.. all 9 planets were aligned.

The second day we had Tony (www.tonyrobbins.com) do a session on human needs and levels of consciousness. He is very awake and comes from the heart. He touched my heart as he always does. This was a previlege since we were about 108 - 110 people. In the evening we had Ananda Giriji conduct a session in person. The next batch will get recorded sessions of these as well.

The sessions followed the following sequence

• Suffering leads to Faith
• Faith leads to Joy
• Joy leads to Rapture
• Rapture leads to Calm
• Calm leads to Bliss
• Bliss leads to Concentration
• Concentration leads to Experiencing Reality as it is.

Each day we had Yoga (led by Guru Singh www.gurusingh.com), Meditation (breathing), Recorded sessions from Ananda Giriji (when he was there in person earlier in Fiji), Breakout sessions with the Dasas, Evening blessing from the Cosmic Being (Uttama). We were requested to keep silent for 1/2 day after some of the blessings inorder to go inwards.

More about my journey soon.

Lots of Love,
Samanvitha