Am I good enough? Am I loved?

I first recognized this at Unleash the Power Within seminar I attended by Tony Robbins. These are core fears all human beings have. I am not enough and I wont be loved. This forms the basis for separation. They explained this scientifically at the Oneness University. When a child is born the Mother secretes a hormone called Ocitocin which makes her love the baby no matter what. When this hormone starts the wear off, the child realized that secure love is not there anymore. The child recognizes that it is not enough to be himself or herself to be loved. The core fears of I am not enough and I wont be loved for just being me are thus born.

This awareness in 2006 itself has helped me a great deal in loving myself, being more gentle with myself and others. The realization that this is in everyone, and manifests in different ways like being funny, acting like a victim, getting angry, working too hard, achieving things, all ways of showing ourselves and others that look you can love me now because I am enough (strong enough, weak enough, funny enough, successful enough). Its all the ways the child used to get love from the parents once the ocitocin wore off.

But the core fear is ever waiting to resurface. We often get lost in the layers and dont recognize it as this core fear. When I was at the Oneness University, one of my friends made a comment to me that the guide said he liked her more than he liked me. This was an obviously childish joke to tease me. I recognized that I felt a pain in my heart as I heard this. Immediately I noticed my mind racing to come up with a smart retort, to blame her, to get angry at her, to dislike the guide, to feel sorry for myself, to raise above the occasion and make her look silly. I kept going back to the pain in my heart. Soon I was crying. I kept observing my mind's struggles, but I kept going back to that feeling in the chest. I just lay down and asked the divine to allow me to feel this feeling fully. I felt the energy coursing through my body in waves after waves. After about an hour, I reached my core pain emerging from the core belief that I am not good enough. I felt a tremendous relief and release, because it was clear that my suffering and pain had nothing to do with what my friend had said. Its a common human suffering that was flowing through me.

There was only joy because I was not separate. I was One with all of humanity. I was experiencing what each one of us experiences from time to time. It was no longer personal suffering. When I am one with the whole, how can I not be loved? How can I not be enough? Who can love whom? There is only love. The lover, the loved and love all One.

However, in my case this realization does not yet seem to persist. I come back to it again and again.

So much love,
Samanvitha