Pull of the Polarity

I feel the internal struggles intensifying. I have been listening to recording of Oprah 's class on Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth - Awakening to your Life's Purpose. I had read the book in March 2007 and it was the first time I began to get a clear perception of my Ego. Well its over a year now and while my awareness deepens, I am still very much caught up in the drama. I am not as identified with my thoughts and ego as I was, but sometimes I feel I cannot take the illusion of separation any longer. At the Oneness University, they talked about three types of suffering: Physical, Psychological and Existential (Spiritual). I seem to be stuck heavily in existential suffering and almost create psychological suffering, just because it is less intense, it is recycled, and i know how to deal with it.

When I went to my first retreat with Esateys in August 2007, she talked in depth about the Law of Polarity. It is another universal law, like the Law of Attraction. Basically the Law of Polarity states that anything you resist, persists. Another way they put it at the Oneness University is that "God is where all contradictions co-exist". This is also the reason why manifestation does not always work. Because when you focus on getting something, you tend to automatically resist not getting it. So basically all you can do is accept what is and resist nothing. This comes back again to what Eckhart is talking about, which is, be present to what is in the NOW. Because what is, is already so, there is no point resisting it.

I am finding this extremely challenging and frustrating. Because in accepting what is, I am resisting my Ego and it grows stronger with a vengeance. The Pull of the Polarity is very very strong. The only way out is Grace. I need grace to take my consciousness to another plane, where the laws are different. I have done everything to escape this suffering, create drama in my relationships, manufacture financial trouble, eat ice cream to put on weight.. basically drown myself in psychological suffering.. but the emptiness, the meaninglessness grows stronger. Even the regular dramas and traumas is not drowning this deep yearning for unification. They call it the Dark Night of the Soul and I seem to be stuck in it. They say each time you come out of the Dark Night, you reach a place of greater connectedness. But this is plagued by the Law of Polarity too. Each time I reach a place of greater connection, it is followed by a place of feeling disconnected and the suffering intensifies, because I feel trapped. I have all the answers and yet I seem to have none. I am as lost as ever.

I know there are many who are out there who are feeling this. Perhaps its time to unite together stronger than ever to create a permanent shift in consciousness.